Faith's first essay

Faith's first essay of which I am very proud. it's several years old and I still crack up every time I read it.

Unjust Desserts

UnJust Desserts
I find it malicious that all things delicious
must add a few pounds to my hips
It just isn't fair that I'm filled with despair
each time chocolate passes my lips
If justice prevailed then my sister'd get nailed
for her cheesecake and pie ala mode
but the bitch stays so lean that it's making me green
and I pray for the day she'll explode

"just kidding Nancy"

Dating Advice

From all the ladies in my singles group:
Forget about men, what you need is girlfriends

From the lady who sits at my table where I go swing dancing:
Show some skin, wear a low cut blouse and show them off. Flaunt em and you’ll get asked to dance more often.

From my oldest daughter, Christine:
Don’t give up. There’s a whole bunch of lonely men out there. A lot of them work at Walmart.

From my sister Sharon:
1. Don’t talk about your cat.
2. Men want to talk about themselves so ask a lot of questions.
3. Don’t act intelligent, men hate it when you are smarter than they are.

From my daughter Sandy:
Don’t date. You will be happier alone.

From my X:
Don’t pick up men at the flea market. They only want your tools.

From my youngest daughter:
Don’t marry the first man you date.

From my sister Sharon:
Don’t sleep with a man on the first date. That never worked for me.

From my co-worker Carole:
Make sure he has a good relationship with his mother

Note to self:
Make sure he doesn’t live with his mother.

From co-worker Dianne:
Stay off of the internet!!!

From co-worker Jonathan:
All men are pigs. The nice ones just wait longer.